It is not abuse alone that turns people into monsters. It is a lack of kind words, lack of affection , lack of comfort and a lack of play.
1. All parents know that children need to play by themselves or with other children but what most parents don’t know is that children need to also play with them. People use fun to bond with each other so if parents want to have a good relationship with their children they must do fun things with them. They must play with their children. The more fun children have with the adults in their life, the more they like them. The important things to remember when playing with children is to: play in a non-competitive way, play something the child actually wants to play, and play in a way that the child is laughing and having fun. The family that plays together, stays together.
2. Children who grow up to be monsters do so because they never got any comfort when they were children. Comfort is more important than play. Children will play even when the adults in their life forbid it because it is what they do naturally but comfort is something they cannot get on their own. It has to be given to them. When children are sad, hurt or in pain and they are not comforted, they learn that no one cares about them. People who believe no one cares about them are the ones who become alcoholics, druggies and killers. If no one cares about them then a) why should they care about themselves? and b) why should they care about anyone else?
3. Parents need to be affectionate to their children. A pat on the back when children do a good job is a good thing. A hug hello, a hug good bye and a hug when they are feeling sad are also good things.
4. Most parents are very quick to criticize and let their children know when they have done something wrong. Most children can give a very good imitation of their parents’ nagging voices but how many of them can mimic their parents praising them for a job well done? Children need to hear that they have done a good job at something. They need praise. They need to know what is good about them and what they are good at. They need a solid foundation of goodness. When people believe they are good, they expect good things in life and they are happier than people who are taught they are bad and can’t do anything right.
When children don’t have the four things listed, they grow up to be miserable adults who make other people’s lives miserable. They become substance abusers who long for death. They take risks with their lives and with the lives of others. They suffer from depression, mania and are suicidal. Giving a child food, shelter and clothing does not make someone a parent. Anyone can do that. The foster system does that. Kidnappers do that. A monkey can do that. What makes someone a good parent are the four things listed above. Give your children praise, affection, comfort and play with them and they will turn out to be happy, loving adults who care about themselves and other people.